Toltec Shamanism and the Warrior Who Rests: A Darkness Retreat Reflection

In this blog series so far, I’ve been exploring different aspects of shamanic practice step by step: What Is Shamanism?, The Shamanic Journey, the role of the Shamanic Drum, Preparing to Journey, The Axis Mundi and the Other Worlds and Working With Your Power Animal.

One of the things I love most about shamanic practice is its diversity. Across the world, there are many different traditions and teachings that offer a variety of different ways for us to enter into a deeper relationship with ourselves and the world around us.

In April, I travelled to Wales to work once again with my teacher, TwoBirds of Embracing Shamanism, alongside a group of like-hearted practitioners, we took part in a six-day Toltec darkness retreat at Noddfa, Penmaenmawr.

It was something I’ve wanted to do for a while, since first encountering the writings of Carlos Castaneda and becoming interested in the Toltec teachings around perception, dreaming, energy and transformation.

Like many people drawn to this kind of work, I’ve long been interested by the possibility that there is far more to life than we ordinarily notice, and that deeper awareness can be cultivated and refined through spiritual practice.

At the time I booked the retreat, my life had already changed significantly from what it once was. Career, health, priorities, relationships and ways of living had all shifted in different ways. Some changes had been painful. Some long overdue. All deeply healing and transformative.

And although much change had already taken place, I sensed I was standing at another threshold again.

What Are Toltec Teachings?

The Toltecs were an ancient civilisation of central Mexico who flourished roughly between 900–1150 CE, before the rise of the Aztec civilisation. They are associated with the city of Tula and left behind incredible archaeological remains including pyramids, temples, carvings and the towering stone warrior figures known as the Atlantes of Tula.

The Toltecs were deeply spiritual people whose teachings centred around awareness, energy, perception, dreaming and the nature of reality. Like many ancient cultures, they worked with multiple gods and archetypal forces while also recognising a deeper unifying source beneath all existence.

Within later Toltec traditions, they were sometimes described as “men and women of knowledge” - people committed to understanding the nature of reality through direct experience and disciplined awareness.

One important concept within Toltec teachings is “the dream of the planet”, the inherited conditioning, emotional patterns, beliefs and social agreements we unconsciously absorb throughout life. Toltec practices can help us observe these patterns more consciously, reclaim energy from them and become more intentional in how we live.

There is also strong emphasis on what is called “the way of the warrior” - someone willing to meet themselves honestly and observe their own attachments, assumptions and unconscious patterns with increasing awareness.

Entering the Darkness

The retreat took place at Noddfa, a former convent nestled within the Welsh countryside, surrounded by gardens, woodland, mountains and stillness. A small community of nuns still live there, and their gentle presence somehow became part of the atmosphere itself - calm, non-judgemental and quietly caring.

During part of the retreat, we wore mindfolds continuously for forty-eight hours, removing all of our usual visual reference points.

When the ceremony of darkness began, I wondered whether I had fully thought this through.  To willingly place yourself into darkness for that length of time is surprisingly confronting. It immediately places you in a far more vulnerable position than most of us are used to in everyday life. We had to rely on others to guide us towards food and drink, help us navigate unfamiliar spaces and move safely around the large house and grounds. You wash, dress, eat and move through the world without sight.

Huehueteotl, The 'Old God'

At first, it felt disorientating, but it was amazing how quickly I adapted and something deeper began to happen. Without constant visual stimulation, all the other senses came alive in the most amazing way. Sounds became vivid and textured. Smell became heightened. Touch became more sensitive. Ordinary experiences suddenly felt rich and immersive.

The birdsong was utterly mesmerising. In the darkness it felt almost otherworldly - layered, intricate and alive. The wind moving through the trees was hypnotic. Even small sounds, like butter being spread on toast at breakfast, was astonishingly detailed and beautiful.

Within Toltec teachings, darkness is understood as a profound teacher, one that sharpens awareness and brings us into deeper relationship with ourselves. Without constant distraction and external stimulation, the mind becomes far more noticeable: its habits, repetitive narratives and where it seeks compulsive activity.

And underneath all of that, something incredible begins to emerge.

Throughout the retreat we engaged in practices involving dreaming, shamanic drumming and journeying, meditation, music, movement, silence and awareness exercises, including what Toltec teachings call “stalking”, the practice of observing the ego-mind and one’s unconscious patterns with 'impeccability', honesty and increasing consciousness.

Alongside the sensory shift came something else I hadn’t expected at all - profoundly deep rest. It was liberating to be released from constant visual input, stimulation and performance. It didn’t matter how we looked, what we wore or how we appeared to others. There was something freeing about existing without mirrors, appearances, conversation, comparison or roles.

By the end of the retreat, I didn’t want to remove the mindfold. Many of us felt the same. Without continually orientating outward, awareness had the opportunity to settle somewhere much more deeper and quieter within.

Death, Awareness and Perspective

A great deal of attention within Toltec teachings is also given to death.

The Toltecs saw death as a profound teacher that gives life clarity, urgency and perspective. The awareness that our time here is finite can sharpen consciousness and bring us back into relationship with what truly matters.

Modern Western culture tends to have an uneasy relationship with death. We can distance ourselves from it, sanitise it and avoid speaking about it openly, living as though it exists somewhere far away from us.

And yet death is inseparable from life. In the end we all have to attend our appointment with the Huntress. Toltec teachings suggest that we must consciously face the darkness and our own mortality whilst we’re alive, only then can we step more fully into life.

When the time finally came to remove our mindfolds, we were led outside for an unmasking ceremony. I will never forget opening my eyes again and seeing the trees, the light and the breathtaking beauty of nature. The colours and textures of the natural world felt overwhelmingly vivid after days in darkness.

It was extraordinarily beautiful. Because of the Toltec practices we engaged with and because sight had been absent for so long, I experienced the world again with a depth of gratitude and attention that is difficult to fully describe.

The Warrior Who Rests

But perhaps the teaching that stayed with me most was the "warrior who rests".

For many years I’ve explored themes around embodiment, trauma, healing, meditation and awareness through my career, energy healing and somatic approaches, Zen meditation and shamanic training.

But this retreat revealed some more subtler and deeper layers. Toltec teachings speak about the ways energy can become unconsciously drained through emotional entanglement, continual outward focus, over-identification with roles and the constant pressure to keep doing.

The retreat invited us to examine how we live. How awareness becomes scattered. How energy is consumed. How our identity itself can become organised around productivity, responsibility and continual output.

One of the deepest realisations for me was recognising that the body is not an obstacle to consciousness, but one of the primary ways consciousness speaks.

Modern life often pulls attention away from the body entirely. Many people live in a near-constant state of overstimulation, stress and disconnection from natural rhythms, rest and stillness.

The “warrior who rests” invites something radically different.

It asks us to become more aware of where our energy is being unconsciously consumed, scattered, leaked or given away. In shamanic terms, we might describe this as fragmentation or soul loss - the gradual depletion that can occur when too much of ourselves is continually directed outward.

The retreat also highlighted something many of us struggle with in modern life - being aware of the difference between necessary action and compulsive activity. Learning when doing is genuinely needed and when it has simply become habitual.

Equally, there are moments when inaction carries its own cost - when avoiding difficult conversations, delaying necessary change or remaining passive out of fear, exhaustion or uncertainty can pull us further away from ourselves and what we know deep down needs attention.

Awareness Beyond the Retreat

One thing I’ve come to appreciate about experiences like this is that the work doesn’t end when a retreat finishes.  This is just the beginning.

On the final day we were asked to engage in a five-month integration process using Toltec archetypal teachings and reflective practices designed to deepen awareness within everyday life.

Toltec Oracle Cards

Since returning, I’ve found myself reflecting more deeply on embodiment, sustainability and the ways modern life gradually pulls us away from ourselves through overstimulation, continual output and disconnection from nature and the body.

For me, genuine spiritual practice has never been about escaping reality or endlessly collecting experiences. It’s about becoming better at being more conscious of how we are living and where our energy is being focused. For me, that increasingly means spending more time in nature. More walking. More stillness. More rest. More listening.

Perhaps this is one reason practices rooted in direct experience, awareness and relationship with nature continue to resonate so deeply for many right now. At a time when so many people feel overwhelmed by uncertainty, disconnection, relentless information and the accelerating pace of life, these ancient practices offer something profoundly grounding - a way of life rooted in stillness, presence and deeper relationship with life and the world around us.

Closing Reflections

Several weeks later, the experience is still working its magic within me.

Practices like this are difficult to fully articulate because they are experiential rather than purely intellectual. They are understood not by the thinking mind, but through the body, the senses and direct experience itself.

I’ve returned with a much deeper awareness of how precious our energy truly is, and how essential conscious awareness becomes if we are to notice where that energy is being unconsciously lost, scattered or given away so we can take steps to stop losing energy and replenish it sufficiently.

And perhaps with a deeper understanding that consciousness is shaped moment by moment through how we live, where we place our attention and the quality of relationship we cultivate with ourselves, with others and the living world around us.

Thank you so much for reading.

Warmest wishes and gratitude

Certified Shamanic Practitioner and Teacher • Based in Aberdeenshire, Scotland

If you feel called to explore further, you’re warmly invited to:

• Introduction to Shamanism Workshop – 20–21 June

• One-to-One Sessions

• Our first Shamanic Drumming Circle - 13 September

• Sign up to my Letters from the Hearth

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